Why avoidant patterns can include distance
Closeness may activate discomfort with dependence or vulnerability for some people. But attachment language should not override the facts of your relationship or excuse disrespectful behavior.
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Attachment language can help describe recurring approaches to closeness, reassurance and independence. It should not be used to diagnose someone from afar or explain away harmful behavior.
Focus on the cycle
When one person pursues and another withdraws, both can become more reactive. Slowing the cycle, communicating needs and setting boundaries can be more productive than arguing over labels.
When more support makes sense
If the situation involves fear, coercion, abuse, threats, addiction, severe distress or a mental-health crisis, general relationship content is not enough. Consider appropriate professional or emergency support for your location.